Successfully Broken

Selfish or Servant

2012-02-17T14:16:00.000-06:00

I was on the way to pick my son up from school a few days ago. It was a Wednesday. I knew that after picking him up I would go to pick up his sister from another school. She is a year ahead of him. I also knew I was frustrated. I had not been to Wednesday night church in a long time. We only have one vehicle and on Wednesday night it is my responsibility to take the kids to the church here in town . On Wednesday nights this local church had a 200-300 student service. All the kids know one another and to watch them worship and sing and raise their hands in praise to the Lord is beyond awesome. There is no Wednesday night service for adults at the local church. Students only. I go to church in North Little Rock. The First Assembly Of God North Little Rock. It is a forty minute drive from here in Conway. I've been going there since Christ saved my life almost seven years ago. There was a time when I was there every day the doors were open. I love being in church. I love to feel the closeness to God. I greedily want to learn His Word. Absorb the teaching. If you've read my other blog posts you know I'm an addict. Worse kind bar none. When Christ rescued me I became addicted to Him. I cannot get enough.

That Wednesday night by best friend was preaching at my church in North little Rock. I was so self possessed that I actually felt resentment that I have to take the kids to church, come home, wait then go get them and deliver the extra kids that always come with ours and then deliver the extras and get home around 9pm.

That night after bringing the kids home, ready for bed I lay down and just let myself feel everything that was in turmoil within me. As I lay there I felt so horrible. How could I feel so selfish as to feel left out. I actually felt left out of going to church because I was taking my kids and other kids to church. i was so angry at my selfish self. I prayed and asked God to forgive me for feeling my church experience was more vital to me that ensuring that my kids and the others that so look forward to going to church every Wednesday.

Crying and humiliated, ashamed of my selfishness I looked to the Bible for comfort and this is what I found. Proverbs 11:30 The fruit of the righteous is the tree of life, and he who wins souls is wise.

II Corinthians 4:15 For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as servants for Jesus' sake.

II Corinthians 4:15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Galatians 5:13 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.

I pray that God will allow me to continue to serve these children and that , unlike me, their hearts are never for a moment infested with the sin of self service, arrogance and envy. Let me only be His servant by serving others in all ways that I am capable.

The Pain Of The Cross

2012-02-06T05:33:00.004-06:00

But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by His wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5.

The terms of the Cross that Christ bore. The Roman guards did not have to hog tie Christ to take Him to the Cross at Calvary. He walked, He bore His Cross upon His back and with His mangled, broken body He stumbled and drug that Cross through the streets of Jerusalem to a place outside the city of David. Up a hill called Golgotha, the tail of the Cross dragging in the dirt behind Him marking a line in the earth forever separating damnation from Salvation.

When the soldiers laid the Cross upon the ground to fix the man of Nazareth upon it they did not lay a hand upon Him. He lay himself on that rugged Cross and outstretched His hands allowing them to do their work.binding and nailing His flesh to the wood of the Cross. no one had ever been crucified willingly to atone for their transgressions, their crimes. Christ did willingly because He was a man of no crime and of no personal transgressions. He did so willingly because He was their that day, that moment in eternal history to pay the price for our sins, past, present and future. He had come to shed His blood to atone for us. It was the only way. God made that clear to Him in the Garden of Gethsemane when Christ asked His father in prayer, "Father, if there is any other way, take this cup from me". But there was no other way. The is no other way to accept that our sin debt has been cancelled by the shed blood of Christ than to be at the foot of the Cross letting His blood, His grace and mercy wash over us.

The Bible says on Luke 9:23 ²³ Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.That is why I go to the Cross daily. My pain drives me there because of the desperation and brokenness that wait for me away from the Cross cannot sooth my afflictions. I cannot be a Disciple of Christ anywhere except with the Cross. I cannot find comfort to endure another day except with the Cross. I can do nothing that Christ commands of me except with the Cross. The Cross is my comforter when I am in pain. The Cross is my shield when under attack. The Cross is my hope when I am weak. I pray that I am never not in need of the Cross.

The Cross is also the way to transcend from Discipleship to Disciple. The Apostles became Disciples of Christ because of the event of the Cross on Calvary. Before then they were students of The Christ. Never fully understanding the power and responsibility that the Cross would represent in their lives and in the life of everyone that has ever lived. On Calvary that day when Christ said "It is finished". He meant He had completed His Father's will. He had paid the price for all our Salvation. He had paid the debt of sin for all time and in the process He had made His apostles who had been in discipleship into disciples. The way for us today that choose to carry the Cross daily is the transition from discipleship to Disciple.

Discipleship To Disciple

2012-02-05T23:00:00.002-06:00

In Maynards Sunday School class today Tim taught on the definition as well as the necessities needed to be in a state of discipleship. It was a very informative and for me, thought provoking lesson. At one point during class I raised my hand mainly because when I feel the Holy Ghost move in me, I cannot refuse Him. The point I was attempting to make was that (given our class is made of up mostly current or formerly broken and struggling people- me included) I felt compelled to say what was given to me to say. I just don't think I did a very good job of it. I haven't had a moments peace since. I still have the need to explain through the Spirit what my point was.

My objective was to include all the peoples in the class that have a backgroundd of addiction, infidelity, abuse, self harm, brokenness, hopelessness and especially the ones who are beginning their journey with Christ and are beginning in the discipleship journey with Christ. i wanted them to not forget their pasts. Never to forget where and what they come from and who it was that delivered them from that.

I believe that discipleship is the prelude to becoming a disciple. the apostles that followed Christ for three and a half years were in discipleship. Yes they had accepted as their Lord and Savior. Jesus even asked them"who do you think that I am"? Peter answered without hesitation"You are the Christ" Yet within a short time this same man in discipleship would deny he even knew Christ. The point being that Christ's hand picked apostles that He took under tutelage never strayed far from bone headed behaviors. One day they were even fighting about who would be the greatest in heaven. I mean seriously, these guys were following the Christ. the raiser of the dead and healer of the crippled. the straightener of limbs the restorer of sight, the water to wine Christ and they reverted to being stupid in His presence. I say all this to help you put into perspective your prior lives. What I refer to as BC(Before Christ as the center of my life). It wasn't until Christ had died on the Cross for all sin, past, present and future and arose three days later and became transfigured that the ones in discipleship under Him became His Disciples.Even then one still had to look upon His nail scared hands and touch the wound in His side to graduate to Disciple.

So when does discipleship begin? No one is born saved. Its often a prolonged period of time between you know who Christ is and 30 years later when you fully turn your life over to Him and begin Discipleship. So the question that was burning on my heart is what are we to instruct, lead and teach new discipleshippers to do with the years of "the sins of their choice", when now we are preparing them to become equipped to go forth and connect with others and share the good news of who and how their lives were changed, restored, healed and given an earthly purpose to serve others. Serve without expectations of any earthly dividends.

Obviously there has to be a familiarity between the disciple and the one in need. that's where my BC comes in. That's where all our BC's come in. That's what I was trying in such a pitiful way to express in class today. We all have a BC if we are Christ followers, in discipleship or have graduated to disciple. But the most valued tool to crack the ice with a hurting, helpless, hoplessly broken person is to establish familiarity . You can feel their pain and suffering. you can feel the hopelessness and despair of the addict. you can comprehend the rage of a young mother abandoned by their babies daddy. You can comfort those who weep because they feel they have done to many horrible acts nad all that is left is to take their own lives, That's why you all have BC's so that you can look them in the eye and say "I Know" "i have been their" I can share with you the only way that you can end your burden, addiction, rage, unforgiveness, the wrongs done to you, your despair, hopelessness and isolation". then you have fulfilled the words in the Bible, to paraphrase; God takes broken things and makes them for the good.

I had written a different version in my journal tonight but i couldn't sleep and the longer i laid there the more and more this was on my heart and mind. God uses all of us. All that we were, are and shall be to His glory. sometimes we seem to overlook the obvious or at least I do. Tell me what you think about all this. Love you Bye

Sermon On Myself

2011-06-29T13:14:00.000-05:00

God is Good All The Time. This is what I know. I did not learn that in Sunday School. I learned it after a long time of figuring out what I already knew. I couldn't run fast enough from it. It hung over my head like a thundercloud.

Most of the time I was on auto-pilot. Automatically engaged in self pleasure, self pride, and a way to make the running stop and the thunderclouds of guilt and despair go away. That would be be drinking, drugs and chasing women. Knowing , whenever I thought about it, Jesus was standing right beside me, with that look. Looking straight in me. I knew the truth and i refused it. I could do this on my own. I felt confident that no matter what since I knew who Jesus was at age 12 I was ok, I'm going to heaven. As I look into the years that laid ahead of me. From today's perspective. I was bound for hell. Knowing who Jesus is aint't KNOWING Jesus. As Savior, Lamb, King.

Then the physical and psychological pain. I went through life bullet proof. I could do it. Then in my 30's, life struck. ended up broken physically so badly I could no longer walk and plagued with Hepatitis C and Cancer. All within 18 months. God? What God? The injuries and illness did multiple things to my life. I lost the hope of living. It stripped me of my manhood. I couldn't work, couldn't play, everybody had to pitch in and help me all the time. Humiliation. My pride and dignity as well as peace and hope did not exist. I cannot accurately describe what depression feels like. I laid in the bed and went from 250 pounds to 140 pounds in six months. I lost the will to live. I was gonna die and I was indifferent now. Indifference is a dangerous place to be when your hopeless. Anything bad could happen and most of the time it does.

Ever hear of a story in the Bible that a person, who undeserving of Grace is visited by Jesus and a miracle occurs to this wretched undeserving wretch.

Ever hear the story of the last desperate moment of the thief on the cross. How at the last possible moment. Breaths away from damnation, reaches in his self and believes Jesus. He'd had to heard of Jesus. Formed an opinion. But at that time obviously did not accept Jesus as his Messiah, the Son of Man. But i can tell you, desperation and fear make you think more clearly. your feelings are raw and heightened. the Truth exists in that desperation and clarity. It did for the thief. that day he entered Paradise at the explicit order and command of Christ Jesus. Not on a sunny day sitting on a hillside being evangelized by Christ. No, this was as Christ the Innocent Sacrifice was taking the sins that have ever existed or will ever exist upon His mangled body and into Himself to make a way for the thief and everyone that will ever accept the Truth. To acknowledge the Truth that rests in your guts. In your heart. In that place that has no anatomical description. In that moment the plan of Salvation was complete. Christ said so. He said it was done. now we get to look forward to seeing a thief with nail scarred hands greeting us at the door of heaven. He let a scumbag, thieving, killing human waste become the first in Paradise. That is for our benefit. Whoever you are. Whatever you've done. No matter how beaten and broken you are. and especially desperate and hopeless, we are eligible for Salvation just like the thief. Jesus didn't have to offer the thief Salvation, just the moment in history was enough. Just the close vicinity of their crosses made the difference. Just those few sentences established the relationship and Salvation was given by faith. Grace was born. What few sentences have you uttered to Christ today? You ain't like me. Didn't have all that stuff happen and you've got it all together. I wonder if the other thief thought the same thing till he got caught, sentenced and denied the Truth. His last chance too. Today. Now is the time for the people here that are on either cross to accept that gift of Salvation, Forgiveness, Hope, Peace, Wisdom and Purpose. Do it for the first time or pledge again to Christ your love and acceptance of His Sacrifice. His Salvation and promise of eternal life with Him in heaven. Its a blanket deal. Shouldn't nobody be in their seat unless you choose to be the thief that refused. If that's you you are the most important one here tonight. you are loved unconditionally. There is no accident or coincidence you are in a safe place surrounded by people who have been where you are now. No shame in Gods house No shame when we accept that Every Soul matters to God. Every Soul. Every one.

I spent 30 years living without Christ.Injure in 1995. Wheelchair bound. Then I was healed from Hepatitis C in 1998. I was cured of cancer in 1999. No recurrence of either since. I learned to walk after 6 years and two years of therapy. i can walk today. Been walking since 2003. not once did I consider turning my life over to Christ. The pain, the pain meds, the depresson. I was not well. I could go into the deaths of my Mom, my stepdaughter and suicide of my ex-wife but this wouldnt end there. I married again. Running from Truth. i lied and stole. to hide my weakness in handleing all these thing i covered it all up. or thought i did, My wife divorced me because i was a secret keeping, lieing, stealing drug addict and had very self destructive ways. In May 2005 I attempted suicide. I woke days later in the ICU. Jesus was there and I was nailed to a cross. he had captured my attention. No more running. No excuses about how much it hurts. I was desperate and hopeless and inside me the Truth sprang forth. I accepted Christ into my life. I was sober and had a purpose. I walked to the Christ based Men's rehab. Stayed a year. Graduated into a developing relationship with Christ. God put my ex and I togather again. It had to be Him because I wasn't looking for her. She said she had to see it to believe it. Eighteen months later pastor re-married us. i still am an addict but I have over five yearfs clean. my wife and I and the two kids are all Saved and Baptiszed. We love God and to Him give the Glory. There is a happy ending to all our stories that follow Christ. The end is known. Christ sealed that destiny on Calvary. Seal your destiny with Christ today.

Out of Darkness Into The Right

2011-05-14T18:58:00.016-05:00

I have a friend. He is a really good guy except for his flaws that have developed over the years and now have come to to destroy his family, estrange his wife and children, place doubt in the hearts of the fence setters and generally follow the patteren of brokeness that either destroys our souls or perhaps even worse, obliterates our witness. Of course of all these things are of harm and despair, the truth is they are the product of sin and the darkness that accompanies the Dark One. This is where we meet Jesus. I have found in my life and through the lives of others that often to see the light you gotta be in a dark place. My friend has found his dark place and by God's mercy and grace he is also seeing the light of Christ as he begins a life long relationship with Jesus.

When I had spent a couple years with the Lord I finally understood. Either I am with Him or I am against Him. A few are called and without hesitation devote their moment to monent life to sharing the Gospel, loving the unloved and truley impacting all people that every soul matters to God.

I come in contact with alot of addicts that want to be former addicts. I know several friends that have walked with Christ on Sunday and drunk on Mondays. Ridicule is punching their ticket for the last train bound to hell. These created beings, our brothers, the most dynamic creation of Gods that we are aware of, envied by Fallen Angels (Demons) and hated by Satan. Who the Bible says seeks only to kill, steal, and destroy us. Why are we so terrifying to Satan that he and his minion joint purpose is to destroy the witness/ testimony of us Christ followers. Satan figured he can't sway us so he will compromise our witness. In doing so our testimony is impotent and words are feeble like an old womans command.

Whomever might read this in the future will think, : why that fella was a nut. flower carring, bald, robe wearing tree hugger. You know with media as it is today and so many diffrent methods of worshiping Christ. Traditions vary church to church, denomination, to denomination. The most ice breaking, hive soothing moment came for me early on at First Assembly NLR. I was given a word from God. I know, scares most folks, they cut and run. The smart ones look it up in the Bible. The uncomfortable spirit I had my first few services there added to the overwhelmed feeling of being like a little bitty fish on a great big hook. Then God removed the scales from my eyes as I entered in the sactuary for the third time and I knew. All these "holy rollin" folks and me came from the same DNA. We all was cut out to serve God and our brothers. NOT LESS THAN THAT, EVER. I was no longer intimidated by being in the presnce of the other people. Those folks, everyone of them, were hellbound at one moment in their lives and in the next they had a responsibility we hardly wrap our minds around.

My life never had purpose or value until the day I was finally empty of any purpose good or bad and my life was filled with a quickening and an unquestionable knowledge that ALL about our Christ is true. My regret is I waisted so much life and health and time, leading folks astray that I pray for the honor to serve God in His desired fashion. The words from God, "good job loving me" is all that I desire. I have come to know that in this place we live, there is no other calling, deportment, attitude, respect, or condition that has an all encompassing cure. !00% successs rate since the beginning to the end of time. It is the least risky, unnessesarily speculative gut feeling that we all have. The call of Jesus. The active and deliberate acceptance or denial of the greatest truth and honor bestoyed upon Man. To utter the word's I work, I live for you Lord. Thats the beginning of a beautiful love beween Creator and His creation.

I will go into why I think a third of the Angels and Satan hated us so badly that his pride could not allow him to worship God because, Envy, Pride and contempt filled the spirits of all that have fallen. Why, Why'd God go and make us if He knew it was just gonna be a failure? By selfless service, unconditional love, forgiveness, and it's all true whats in that ancient book called Bible. Yeah Right. But that's the perfect beauty. It is all and everything God and Jesus and the Spirit has promissed, guarenteed. Told stories of 1500 years before they happened and it all came true and is still the only truth, the only way.

I will leave this. The truth is in you. You know it is true. When God made us I think he put an ability in us to know His truth's. The bible says it is written in us. The moment in time for each of God's miracles always occurs at the exactly correct moment. Broken or not, God supplies our every need, my supernatural history with Christ is the unbreakable, unconditional love He has for me. That I can only respond with worship, adoration, praise and surrender to creater of the all. The significant reality that I and many others are Loved by God. We beat up the whole: who me? Saved< Forgiven< Innocent< Forgotten< Fertile, Hungry for Redeemption, Yearning to complete our purpose ; The Will Of God. Simple. Plain Instructions, Translated for the more Educated, Complete, without error, just one catch, Love the God who Loves You Unconditionally. Love your neighbor as yourself.

This Is Difficult

2011-05-03T10:37:00.034-05:00

No matter how wealthy, powerful, pleased, proud and satisfied, you loose without God. We win. We have God.

How does that statement make you feel?

Every Soul Matters To God. Even his.

I was uncomfortable.

Somewhere in the Bible there's a part about being unmoved watching others never knowing Jesus. Something about not seeking to introduce the lost to Christ. Which is about the best way I can think of to worship and honor God. Service to God service to others. Service to God.

I have found that the desire to serve God does not ensure that we will be successful. I fail.
All the time. My desire is strong, the hard part for me how? I would love seeing a billboard on I-30 saying how to do it right in 30 days, 1-800-NO1Fail.

I am struggling. I am anxious, exhausted and sustained. I am in the position that I must trust Him to survive this.

I have never had elevated expectations of myself. I was and am , to a degree, still painfully shy, introverted, awkward. I had and have still low self esteem and struggle to find purpose. To know me ten years ago it would have been obvious. Today not so much. I struggle still but I have Jesus. The difference between fright, misery, and fear and knowing the Truth, Grace and Hope that relationship with Christ produces.

I've been a Christ follower for five years and a Christ "knower" since 1973. I was 12. I knew Jesus but to do all those things seemed impossible. Church was no fun. Every week i was going to hell. So I played so hard the other six days just in case I went to hell on the 7th. That's how I remember it anyways. The best part of Church was when the Preacher give that last long prayer I'd slip outta Mom, Dad and my pew and ease up to Grandma and Grandpa's. As soon as the preacher reached the front doors and said amen me and Grandpa split out the side door, get in his Doodle Bug as he called it and headed to Grandma's and his house. We was fixin to eat. This forced Mom and Papa to come too. Genius.

I have learned that the period of time between knowing the name of Jesus and following Jesus is often a long time . I wonder if there is purpose in that statistic? Is it possible that we are (for lack of a better word) numb to the extreme urgency which we are in simply because Jesus is just a word to us? To the others? How can we communicate or reveal the most real, pursuing danger, evil that seeks to destroy us that is effectively invisible to the very peoples we desire to reveal it to?

I have been trying to hang onto pride. The only way to lose my pride is to tell the truth about me. The most difficult part of faithful is in the moment. It is a battle and takes effort and I am weak. Once saw things about life a much different way than today. Today there is hope. I never knew what hope was it was till I run up on it. Never knew what to truly believe in anything until I saw the intervention of my God begin in my life and has never yet stopped. There is a seamless presence of God in my life. I believe. it is such a change from being who I was once.

I want so badly to tell to others exactly what God has done to my my life. I am not good at knowing how to do that. I mean there's the story. Its a long one. I told you God showed up in my poor, broken existence and He changed my world. Its the best story in the world to me cause its how I surrendered to Christ. Surrender daily is the key. Gotta have a gonna serve Christ attitude and God does the rest, guaranteed.

The Bible promises in Psalms 34:18 The lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. As for myself, that pretty much sums me up. The deeper I look in me the greater the need for Jesus. Then I find it harder to serve Him because of me. It seemed as at the very moment I began a life with Christ. It ain't like it was. Life has become a montage of obstacles, traps. snares, pitfalls, distractions, temptations and shinny things. It really is hard to see a great volume of of the presence and reverence to Christ when I stand and look around. Here there's the Slick and Polished for me. If I am committed to follow Christ, and I am struggling and the Bible tells us plainly that we should have expected it, read the Book. I figure most others are also.

Lord I feel pressured, inadequate and fearful. I need your help dealing with everything that has come against me. I know your word says I am . I love you. I worship you. My only desire is to serve you. I need that strength of Jesus today. I need your presence and peace.

First Things First

2011-04-26T09:08:00.006-05:00

Earlier this morning I was setting in my chair. Beside my bookcase. Lots of books, file folders. memorabilia. The bookshelves contents were 99.2% Christian oriented items. Bibles, commentaries, dictionaries. Cute figurines with nice bible verses on them. The .8% left over goes to the weighty ball chromed out skull.It came on my cane. That's another story. A couple of years ago I went to several Narcotics Anonymous meetings in town. I really tried to hang with the message and the people. I kept looking for hope and the affirmation that Christ makes us successful in what he planned for us If we follow him. I got the vibe that it wasn't gonna happen around a lot of pissed off folks.. These were angry people. Whole lot of despair, anger, no victories. One night before I left the meeting I purchased a book. This morning I opened that book. On the inside cover of the book I had written several years ago, disheartened by not fitting in at those meetings. Hurting, angry and anxious. I wrote:

1. I am not God. Stop trying to act like it

2. I am unable to become the person he intended me to be without first, knowing and believing in

#1. Secondly I must shut up and listen for my Lords whisper that comforts me.

3. I must constantly be aware that because of the brokenness of and choices I have made I must

live a life in which my God's Grace is sufficient in all things. My choices will determine my

eternity. Jesus is with me.

4. The moment that I feel the "satisfaction", "pride" or an "anonymous victory" in my recovery,

my ability to effectively help another is lost Got to get that outta me o me.I have to

#1, #2, #3, and #4. Hit my knees on the floor. Pray and cry and groan. Submit

SUBMIT

myself as a willing and humbled sacrifice excited of the prospect of God's will coarsing

in me as I get to serve God Himself. I need "humbilization" before I go forward.

It was designed by God to be about the thems. It is ALL about Jesus. It is not about me. It is

all about being God's child. When I read the Bible there ain't nothing better.

5. Hardest part is to remain teachable. Its hard to admit shortcomings, inabilities and weakness.

Be humble. Live weak. I know where my strength comes from.

6. There is no coincidence I survived to live this day. God's Grace got me here. Don't waist it.

Confessions Of What Is Real

2011-04-08T20:00:00.009-05:00

This has been happening to me for along time and I am in pain. I come around the corner the other day and run up on Jesus. He had been a long time coming and His timing is Perfect. I owe everything to the Grace and Salvation of my Master, Wise Council, King. All that is Is You. I want to throw myself at your feet and worship and adore you Jesus. I crave to be in your presence, where I feel You best. I have been in a cursed life bound for hell. Then I met the Truth. The moment I met God, in my life I knew He is the Only Truth. My Christ. My King.

WHAT IT IS WE KNOW THAT IS TRUE ABOUT OUR KING, OUR CHRIST, MAN OF SUFFERING. MY SAVIOR IS REAL. ALWAYS BEEN. ALWAYS BE. MY KING. I KNOW IT IN MY GUTS. THAT'S ALSO WHY YOU DO NOT FEEL IT THEIR WHEN IT IS NOT.

If anyone hasn't told you, When you choose Christ as Lord and Savior, that's not the end. That's the beginning.

I want to record the things that are happening in my life. I want to in any way leave a record of Christ in my life. My personal Jesus. Savior. Truth. Answer.

Before I get started on that I have a friend and his wife from our church that are troubled on my heart. A couple weeks ago in Sunday School I find that he is stricken with a rare and inoperable brain cancer. All my Sunday School members were making these cute get well and hope you feel better cards. I asked what they were doing and I learned about my friends illness. I felt horrible for just not knowing. I just couldn't bring myself to make this card. I just couldn't. This morning, here in the middle of all the crazy stuff going on around my life I feel inspired to write them a note. " I will leave their names absent in respect". I rote their names and said, "What can I say? Ain't no word's is there? You know how to go through this. You gotta love Him and you gotta love him. You have to grow closer and wiser during this time. I know it sounds counter-intuitive but now is the time to grow. Alot of it. You don't want what's happening to yall but you cannot be successful without it.

You know it ain't ever crazy doing what God's got us to tend to, even when it does seem that way.

Only secret I know of is Praise God. Praise Him. Worship him. Cry to Him and yell at Him and let yourself be exhausted of your efforts at the feet of Jesus and in His time He shall turn your tragedies into His victories. Y'all in a win/win situation. Y'all can do this. It makes us who we will be. These are your moments to be as you are so you can become who you shall be.

Sometimes I find it fascinating can't take it all in. BUT I KNOW IT. IT'S ALL TRUE. IT'S ALL REAL. EVERYTHING THE BIBLE SAYS IS THE TRUTH. AIN'T GONNA BE BUT ONE WAY AND THAT'S HIS WAY. That Truth is your comfort. That Truth's all it takes. That Truth's all there is.

Your in a fight your scarce readied for but you know how to fight and you know who has the Victory. I love you guys so much, you make me grow.

It'salways Best I Heed My Own Advice

2011-03-07T15:00:00.003-06:00

paste
Hey Sue nice to hear from you and actually its nice to hear the type of problems your expressing. Ive led a less than desirable life before Christ and have had many problems, most of which I was responsible for. Now when I hear mysel;f saying that I want to be more connected to my Church, ny Church Family and feel a responsibility to ones that are influenced by my choices and convictions, I have to say there is no better burden than the burden for Christ.

It sounds like you are well equipped to handle the burden that your responsibility of faith requires. A while back I realized that i had developed a habit of looking at most everything in my life through the filter of Christ. What my marriage means to me and how I am devoted to my wife without reservation or an "exit strategy" and the desire and determination to help lead my kids to Christ had become the focal center of my purpose. What you are describing is so similar. You describe being sold out to Christ and have a burden for your daughter and husband. Christ also knows exactly what your burden and content of your heart are. He is well equipped to assist you in your effort to help develope you family into life lonf followers of Christ. Remember the parable about how we are to sow the seed and Christ will water and nurture it to fruition? Sister you do what the Christ in your heart commands. Do you endear your daughter to Christ if she fully resists and is despondent at the notion of going to Church. In my post i briefly described my mother's word to me, everytime I saw her. She would say, "you need to be in Church". I would say "i know" and kiss her on the head and go on about my life. I can guarantee you this, she never once missed Church because I didn't go. She never tried to pacify me or entice me to come to Church with anything other than the truth."You need to be in Church". My momma died and in the Church that we had the service in was the first Church Id been in since 1977.

i was the type of person that is shaped by extremes in my life. For me to turn my life over to Christ I had to loose everything. I mean living in the homeless shelters, no money , no family. i had to be hopeless, broken and desperate. in my despair I tried to take my own life. it was unsuccsessful and it was at that first moment of consciousness that i was primed and ready for Christ to be my Salvation. Now I'm not saying that that is the solution for your daughter and husband. I describe the call of Christ like this, Jesus has a "secret combination" of events that he "dials in" in our lives. He invites us to accept His gift of savation many times during our lives. He positions us so that we can CHOOSE.
The Bible says that God would have it that none should perish but all should come to know Him as their Savior. I know that its a heartbreaking feeling that our loved ones are struggling, not understanding the serious and eternally important consequences of their tarrying attitude towards Christ. I know this, I cannot tell anyone anything, but I can show them. Sue, you go to Church. You be a prayer warrior for your daughter and husband. You be the leader God intends to the ones that choose to listen to your Christ given leadership and wisdom. You spread the message of a need for prayer to your Church family. You immerse yourself in the Word. You live a life that emmulates Christ to the very best of your abilities. I believe the only reason I am alive today, a Christ follower and writing this to you is that my mother took me to Church when I was a child and she continued to grow in Christ and never ever compromised her beliefs for fear of "losing" me.
The only chance I had was her prayers and mantra that continually rang in my ears,"I love You And You Need To Be In Church. You know the way. Go for it. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. In Christ, Patrick Franke

For Us, For Me, For Every Created Thing To See

2009-12-09T20:15:00.007-06:00

It has been a month since my last post. Things have been hectic with the holidays coming. Work is picking up. Kids are growing and more demanding. Life is just plain faster and harder. I fell off a step ladder last Thursday and sliced my left forearm open requiring multiple sutures and staples to close. That injury kinda slowed things down a bit. I actually took a photo of my arm before and after suturing and my crazy yet lovely wife posted it to Facebook. I mean really, we live in a world where I can cut my arm halfway off and the next moment its digitized and spewn around the planet. Crazy cool times we live in now.

More seriously though is the time with our families and friends. I have the pleasure of having a wonderful wife and family. I serve the one and only God of all things. My God, my King. Sadly this has not always been so. I served myself first for a long time. I lived without thought or consequence of a "God". I lived, I lost, I destroyed the things that were close to me. I lost all my family, all my friends, all my self respect because of brokenness, hopelessness and despair brought on by addiction and more specifically no relationship with Jesus Christ. This is no fault of Jesus I'll let you know. Looking back I can see where He has extended His hand countless times offering me the unconditional love I have always sought. The love that we all seek. I found Jesus Christ as my Savior when I was 12 years old.
I promptly took that experience and started burying it with the "junk" of this life in the "junk drawer" of this life. I kept on living and kept filling that junk drawer with the things I thought I wanted and needed. I lived hard and played hard. I ended up married and soon thereafter suffered a broken neck and ended up paralyzed from the waist down. Soon after surgery to stabilize my neck I discovered I had contracted Hepatitis C from surgery. Hepatitis C from my surgeon. Six months later it was discovered I had liver tumors. I had cancer. In a two year period I had went from owning life to being a prisoner of life and the hits kept coming. My marriage deteriorated. Life was insufferable. I sat day after day mentally and physically deteriorating. I gave up. The desire to live, left. Then in the fourth year following experimental viral treatments for the cancer and Hepatitis C something remarkable happened, I was cured. No detectable tumors could be observed, the liver biopsy showed no cirrhosis. and the Hepatitis C was undetectable with RNA testing. My physician called it a miracle. I really can't recall rejoicing. The grip of depression and loss was greater than the news that, yeah! now you get to live a long time in that stinking chair. Talk about ungrateful, no good self serving, feeling sorry for yourself scumbag. That was me. I could have had a goose that laid a golden egg and I would have been mad cause I couldn't fry it. Two years later four significant things happened. 1. I began to regain feeling in my legs. 2. My mother died. 3. Our daughter died. 4. Within two years I learned to walk again. All this and not once did I say thank you God. I just took, hid it, buried it, faked it. My physical abilities improved my mental abilities deteriorated. My addiction dominated my life. My wife sat in a chair in our living room and disappeared. My marriage was over. My life was over, or so I thought.

I believe I once was the most ungrateful human that has ever lived.I stole lied cheated, decieved and in doing so I found a new life and a new friend, Unfortunately for her she didn't get to meet the real me until after she married me. We hadn't been together long and the addiction became unmanageable and without bounds.My firsy ex-wife committed suicide and almost a year to the day my new wife divorced me and I was on the street, living to die. I lived from shelter to shelter. Hopelessness abound. I still can't wrap my head around how God could have delivered me from so many hopeless situations and I not be able to see it. Well. finally I'd had enough. It came time to die. I had a plan. My ex-wife told me that night she never wanted to hear from me again. Never wanted to see me or have anything to do with me. The last thing i told her was she'd never see me again. That night I overdosed on methadone and was found dying in an alley. The ambulance took me to the hospital who saved my body. My soul was still lost. I woke up in ICU five days later mad as a hornet because I was still alive. I raged against God. What kind of God would make me suffer like this. How could I be so selfish? Why couldn't I see every blessing that He'd given me? I felt the presence of the love of God laying in that hospital bed. I cried to Him to do what the Bible said He'd do. Save me, Forgive me, Help me, Take this horror and pain and hopelessness off of me and please God do it now cause I can't stand it another moment. Jesus won't let me die ans I can't live without Him. I gave my life to Christ that moment of that day Better yet He gave me life that day. The sacrifice He made on the cross at Calvary where he Died so that I could live. I accepted that gift that day.

I escaped from the hospital that day a homeless half naked former drug addict. I walked to a place called The Union Rescue Mission. I stayed therefor a year and went through their rehab program. I established a relationship with Christ. I found a new family at a Church that God led me to, The First Assembly Of God North Little Rock. The closer in relationship I grew with God the more I had to cry and tell Him I was sorry for not seeing the blessings and gifts and miracles he had done in my life, all my life. One day my ex-wife contacted me. I didn't know if I should have contact with her. I had prayed for many months for our relationship to be restored. I didn't know if I was strong enough to just "be friends". We met I showed her MY CHURCH and her comment after an hour was "I think I need to bring the kids here, we need to be in Church". I knew it then and there. God was up to His stuff again. Within a year our Pastor married us, again. We live today so the kids will see everyday how God can take a broken helpless sinner and love him into a worthwhile, purpose filled person. I live today to share my story of how far God will let you go just to get you into a position to choose Him.

I understand today that Jesus not only died for us, He was born for us. He lived for us. He loved for us so we could know what being born, living, loving and dying meant. I have come to know, for me , the meaning of Christmas was the birth of my Savior. The thing that has recently come to my knowing is that God created us so He could show all His creations what love was. We were given the free will to choose to love God or reject God. The son of God came and lived among us and let it be known that he was dying for us to abolish all sin for all time. All we had to do was accept that truth, that reality, that gift. In doing so we exercised our free will and fulfilled God's grand design that above all else love triumphs.

In this Christmas season I urge you to open your junk drawer of life and remove the clutter, broken,useless, meaningless junk that covers the glowing gift that Christ has given to us all. If you've accepted His gift of salvation but buried it with the trappings of life dig like crazy to rediscover it. Find it and nurture it because frankly, it's all you got. If you have never accepted Christ's gift of salvation, Now Is Your Chance To Use Your Free Will. There is a God, His son is Jesus. He lives. The stories you've heard about how He came to earth as a baby, grew to manhood, lived a sin free life, taught the truth about who He is and who we are, and that these truths are found in a book named The Bible. These are all true. Find a Bible .Open it to the Book Of Luke and read. Let your heart feel the truth. Go around the corner from where you live and go into the Church. Say hello to anyone. Set down. Open your heart close your eyes and hear the truth. Believe it or not, YOU are the meaning of Christmas. It was all for you and I. Jesus in the manger, Jesus the teacher, Jesus the sacrifice. It was all for you and I. Jesus made Christmas for us. We didn't make it for Him.

This season hold your children. Hug your parents. Greet your neighbors. Call your families. Gather together and remember the Christ who loves us. the Savior who gave all for us. The God that opens His heart for His children and offers them the unconditional love that He created. God bless us all, Merry Christmas

An addendum To Signs And Symptoms

2009-11-08T12:55:00.005-06:00

When I finished my last post -Signs And Symptoms- I did so hurriedly because I was trying to get ready for Church. In my haste I was unable to express what I believe is the most important aspect of the message. When I reviewed it, it sat to close to pride. I may have left a subtle impression that their was an element of pride in overcoming the things that had for so long seperated me from Christ. This is false. Their is no pride because it is not about me. It is and always has been and shall always be about Christ and His Grace born of the Cross. The Grace from Christ and how we wear it, use it, exude it and share it is the outward sign and symptom of being a Christ follower. I wanted to leave this message with a couple of mental pictures. Ones that will forever be in my head and my heart. Most importantly they are the things that I can express in words as ideas to help witness to others.

In the Bible their is a mental picture that is the timeless expression of a Christ follower. The time is the end of Jesus' life as a man. The location is a hill called Calvary. Jesus is crucified between two criminals who, too, are moments away from eternity. With one statement of faith one criminal secures his place in Glory with Christ. One moment of humility, of guilt erased by the Creator. Jesus told this man he would be in Paradise with Christ that day. This is because that criminal spoke aloud for any to hear his beliefthat Jesus is the Christ, Son of God. The criminal spoke it with his mouth and believed it in his heart.

The other sign and symptom comes from an experience related to me by my best friend who is also a Pastor at my Church. The other day he was telling me he had to preach a funeral for a fellow that mosy likley did not know Christ as his Savior. He stated the family was sure this dying man did not have a relationship with Jesus. My Pastor friend told me he went to the hospital to see the dying man. He was unable to talk and could only squeeze his hand as a form of communication. Pastor leaned down to the man's ear and quietly told the dying man that he didn't know if this man knew Jesus as Savior. Pastor told the man that he was as close to being in eternity as anyone he'd ever seen. If the man wanted now to confess Jesus as his Savior and ask to be forgiven as a sinner, then, in his mind repeat the name of Jesus over and over. That he that calls upon the name of Jesus will be saved. The man , Pastor told me, squeezed his hand strongly and quickly, over and over as a tear fell down his face. Many will scoff at this moment and find reason to conclude the dying man did not accept Jesus. I have already heard this perspective. I am encouraged that my Jesus, the Jesus that knows our hearts and thoughts, the Jesus that desires that none fall short of His gift of Salvation. The Jesus who heals the blind and speaks the universe into existence can and did witness the dying mans squeezing hand and shortly after welcomed him into Glory.

So whats your sign and symptoms of Christianity? What is it that makes others easily identify you as a Christ follower? Do we really need to be nailed to the cross of life before we cry out? Are you betting on the death bed experience? Do we act like a neighbor lover? Are we consistant in the way we are in Church as well as when we are in the picture shows? Think about it.

Signs And Symptoms

2009-11-08T06:16:00.006-06:00

In the past weeks we have had a series of horrific incidents come to light on the news media.There has been a young girl kidnapped who spent eighteen years as a hostage until being found. Another child taken and murdered and found in a dump.Yet another infant lost and five days later found alive and well in a box under the perpetrators bed. This past week a massacre at Ft. Hood. I can rationalize the cause of these events as a sociological manifestation of the presence and pervasiveness of sin and evil in our world. These events leave no doubt that they are from Satan and a direct product of his influence upon the world and the inhabitants therein. In short, these are signs and symptoms of evil. Why does it take this escalation of action to diagnose what evil is? And more importantly why do we as a society feel compelled to excuse and often dismiss the precursor actions and events that lead to these undeniable outcomes. Little Johnny beats little Bobby at school and it is examined and the conclusion is that the lack of structure and oppressive nature of little Johnny's home life has caused him to act out. The behavior that out society has adopted is to find blame in the environment of the individual that can excuse their behavior. There is an "all or nothing" attitude that permanently excludes the possibility that the presence of sin, ie... The exclusion of relationship with Christ is the ultimate causative factor for the presence of evil that leads to the manifestation of evil acts whether they be petty crime of mass murder. In short it no task to identify the signs and symptoms of evil. We know where it comes from. We see it as it escalates and the end result is unmistakable.

What about righteousness? Holiness? Christ followers? My question is how do we identify a Christian? What are the signs and symptoms of a Christian?

Conversion, the change from before to after. All Christians have a moment or period of conversion. Alot of times there are folks around to witness this event of conversion. Either you've seen someone change or you yourself have been observed changing. Sometimes the conversion is unseen and only after the period of change is it observed by others that knew the converted one prior to their change. Either way there is always a "OMG" moment. The family, friends, classmates, co-workers, pastors, whoever is privy to this witness of before and after has universal reaction. Something has happened. Then....What happened? Depending on your or their perspective you start with ....The Lottery? You got a girlfriend/boyfriend? You got a new job? Usually towards the end of the list is the remote possibility that you have had an experience with Christ. This experience has changed you and now you are "a new creature". Why is it easier and more comfortable to exclude a "Jesus" moment that to include it? Context. You have to be witness to the context which the change is made. That in and of itself excludes a lot of people from knowing where the change in a person from one day to the next comes from. In my personal instance my conversion took place in an ICU bed in which I had regained consciousness after being in an overdose induced coma following an attempted suicide. I had given my best effort to end my life and when I woke on the ventilator I was hopping mad. I railed at God. Why couldn't I die? Why did I remained tortured with Grief, Guilt, Addiction, Despair, Anger, Powerlessness. The moment I realized that the only thing that could rescue me and relieve my torment was Christ I cried out to Him to take these things off me. I begged Him to do what it is that the Bible and the Promise says. Then and there I confessed my sins, I acknowledged that He sacrificed Himself for me, for my sin. I believe that He died so I might live. I understood that I could not die earlier cause He would not allow it and I could not live my life without Him. I had to choose. I chose because I knew the truth and I understood the love that was presented to me. That was my conversion and no one was present for it. Later in the weeks and months to come there were no family or friends present to see this change. I was changed none the less. I was still changed and measurably so when my ex wife discovered where I was after a year of looking for me. I was still a new creation in Christ another year later when we were remarried. I was still that changed Christ follower a year after that when asked to lead the Mens Discipleship Class at The Union Rescue Mission Rehab (where I graduated following my escape from the ICU after my conversion). Today as I get ready for Church and type this blog I am still a new creation in Jesus. It has been 3 1/2 years now. My Signs and Symptoms are the conversion and the steady and increasing service to Christ and my fellow man as my life goes on. Jesus said to love God and Love your Neighbor as yourself. This is what I am led to do because Jesus instructs it and it feels so good. For me as well as many others that I know these are a few of many clear signs and symptoms of a Christ follower.

What Your Mama Told You about Leaving The House Without Clean Underdrawers

2009-10-10T11:48:00.005-05:00

Once again my wife is gonna kill me but it is too perfect to pass up. You know how since being a small child you mama has told you to never ever leave home with dirty underdrawers in case you are in a car wreck? Guess what happened to my wife this past Tuesday? You bet ya.

I had been home sick sick since Sunday past. I could have died or even worst by Monday. I was still laying in bed on Tuesday when the kids came home around 4:00pm. I never heard them. Then around 6:00pm Mom rolls in and I didn't hear her either. Now somehow the kids cahold their Mom to take the to their friends Volleyball game over at the college campus. Now remember I'm completly unawares of these goings on. So an hour later I get a phone call from my wife hysterical because she has has had a wreck on the Hendrix University campus. I ask if she is ok physically and in between sobs she says yes. I ask if the damage is sever. She says no it's not good but not totalled in her estimation. All along she continues to squall. Finally I ask her, babe, whats really going on, why do you keep crying? Finally she admits it. This is what happened

When the kids asked if they could go to the volleyball game they had failed to do a number of things. First they had left their rooms a mess that morning. Secondly, they had brought home a school mate which they know is forbidden without prior approval. They all thought since we were not supposed to be here they could get away with breaking these rules.
Man were they in for a surprise when they saw the car in the driveway when they got off the school bus.

So while I'm asleep they all give Mom this sad, pitifully song and dance about this volleyball game and of course gives in an. So Mom just thinking that it will take a few minutes to run then mover to the game loads them up and off they go, a few minutes I get this frantic phone call because Mom has, after dropping the kids off, rear-ended a lady and is now waiting for the Conway Police to come. She is mortified because she had failed to change clothes before she left home. Now close your eyes and picture this. My wife wearing her mismatched pink and purple fuzzy socks. No shoes. Wearing her most favorite and comfortable pink thermal long john pants with the reindeer on them. A two size too big funky gray satined yucky tee-shirt with no brazier and an a hairdo that looks like a Tesla experiment gone bad. The encyclopedic definition of of unprepared for the car wreck your Momma told you about. When I saw her I nearly blew a vessel in my brain and then it dawned on me.

How many of us go out in this exact way totally unprepared for the "what ifs". What if we are put in a situation to comfort someone we do not know. Are we spiritually dressed? What if we encounter someone with that question, whose answer from us could be a heaven of hell moment? Are we spiritually dressed?. What about the influences of this life? The influences from our past. That old girlfriend or boyfriend? Are we spiritually dressed to deal with the influence and temptation that is often accompanied by such an encounter?
My wife made a common yet embarrassing mistake by taking out of the house with confidence that nothing bad, important or kingdom changing could happen. In fact, it did.

The next time you leave home, put on your clean undies, don't wear your pink thermal sleep pants with the reindeer. And by goodness sakes put on a bra and comb your hair. But most importantly put on your desire and ability to lead others to Christ by the way you live your life, the way you take questioss from conversation to introduce how Jesus has changed your life. And above all how Jesus let you go out of the house one day dressed in pink thermal sleep pants with little brown reindeer, as humiliating as it was, just so you could use this start as an introduction into your experience of relationship with our Savior Jesus Christ.

I Can Clearly Now The Rain Has Gone.....

2009-09-26T09:43:00.011-05:00

"I can see clearly now the rain has gone". Thats's the partial line from an old song I heard earlier in life. To me today it means we have been in the storm and now we can see the sun peeking out. The clouds are still there but they are retreating. Heading for the horizon. For now, all is clear.

That's what happened this week. My friend that I blogged about earlier, the one who had been in the Mission with me, the one who had found God just to walk away from Him and then found Him again? That one. The dude that had a relationship with Christ but took his focus off Christ. This was the guy who came back like the "prodigal son". Broken and desperate for acceptance. Desiring fellowship with other believers and more importantly desperate to know, really know that God forgave him for turning way and would accept him back. Our job, my job was to reinforce this truth. God will and did forgive you for breaking away. He forgives you for making stupid, selfish choices. He rescues you from damnation with His grace and mercy when you cry out to Him. These things are all true.What I saw this week with my own eyes is when you hold up your end of a deal with God, He will hold up His end.

I told you earlier that this guy had gotten in trouble with the law during this last time he had walked away from God and started getting high. He made a stupid choice amongst a bunch of stupid choices and later, after he'd came back to God, so did the police, with a warrant. They'd busted him, charged him, and the potential penalty was further enhanced by new charges as a "habitual offender". This bumped the penalty from six years in prison to twelve years in prison if convicted. For the past couple of months this dude has been increasingly freaked out. He is working but too poor to hire a "real" attorney. He had only seen and spoke to his court appointed attorney once in the past months. Court trial was last Tuesday. I held my breath as I waited in the back pew of the courtroom because in the back of my mind I feared he had cut and run.

For the past couple of months we talked frequently. I would encourage him to keep a positive attitude. He has been faithful in going to Church and even been recruited to work with the teens at his Church. Because of his past he would be perfect at talking about the pitfalls awaiting these youngsters. I also know he was tempted to run. He told me once that if it looked like he was going to prison he was leaving for Mexico. I told him that was the whole point of this "test". You either fall running to Christ, right to your knees or fall running away from Him. Either way your gonna fall. Week before last we had lunch together and talked about the upcoming trial on Tuesday. I could see scared all over him. We spoke about the what ifs.... then we spoke of the real truth. This was no longer about him and the judicial system. This was about relationship with Jesus. He found himself in a situation that he could not figure a way out of. He knows that the Bible promises that if we trust God and believe in Him He will never forsake us. Sometimes we do go to jail for our criminal choices. In this, Christ goes with you to jail. He don't stop at the bars and razor wire and say "I'll be right here when you get out". Nope he goes in with us. He comforts us and gives us purpose even behind bars. He strenghtens us and comforts us in prison. We have a witness and testimony. This moment he is contemplating running is the moment that satan is rolling the dice on his back, betting against him. This moment of fear that he is experiencing is about the real life application of relationship with Christ. this moment of fear is designed by the enemy to separate us from relationship with Jesus. This moment is used by Christ to strengthen out relationship with Him and out need to depend fully on Him. That is the truth I left with my friend. The truth that all this is about his relationship with Christ.It's still about our choices. You're jammed up beyond your control, who you gonna depend on? Yourself or Jesus?

My friend came through the court room doors with his parents in tow. He came in with with Jesus. He met with his "attorney". He stood before the Judge and was given grace. If he doesn't commit a crime in one year all these charges go away. Grace. Another chance. Hope. Compassion. Forgiveness. These are the things that were expressed by our judicial system. I asked my friend and he said these are the things that are expressed by our God. These are the things that define our Saviour. My friend is a free man today. Not because the judicial system said so on Tuesday but because my Christ said so on Calvary over 2,000 years ago. Praise God.

Nip And A Tuck

2009-09-21T20:32:00.010-05:00

My wife thinks she is fat. There I said it. I'm gonna get in trouble but it's crazy. She really thinks she's fat and she's not. She is constantly comparing herself to photos of other women and asking; am I that big? or, do I look like that? The answer is always the same. She never,ever has compared herself to anyone smaller, prettier or more shapely that she is. I think there lays the truth in how she sees herself. She knows how to compare so that she does not feel compelled to change. She sees herself as she is. Just right.

So why does the world have this fixation on changing how we are viewed. The way we are is measured by what we do not have. When we have relationship with Christ we are measured now by what we do have.

I was watching television with my wife tonight and there was the standard issue loose weight commercials. Skinny women on treadmills in spandex telling us all that we need what they have. We need to be them. We need to change so we can be just right. I have met some of those people ,who, for their own reasons have chosen to modify their physical appearance as well as their emotional feelings in order to feel more accepted and acceptable to themselves and others.

Every channel is someone trying to change you. I think about all the self-help guru's out there. I think about the way the Mega-Diet culture has invaded our daily lives with their countless billboards, television, computer and print advertisements that help you identify your shortcomings then offer an easy and affordable cure to all that ails you. Weight problems, emotional problems, wrinkles, gray hair, bad hair, no hair, no problem, we can fix it.

I mean seriously, look around you. We put some serious time and effort everyday into primping, puffing, fluffing, sucking, pressing and dressing to feel good and be felt good about. Oh! how we like to manicure and trim, color and extend, flatten and firm, anything and everything in hopes of being universally accepted more often singularly recognized as the healthiest, most slim, prettiest, most handsome, most desirable, most envied, best dressed, best groomed, smartest, accomplished and exalted among our peers.

So much effort. So much evaluation. Do you think we should consider putting this same effort into our relationship with Christ?

Do we put forth the same passion born of desire to acknowledge and please Christ? What if the wrinkles that appear on our faces were a product of a lifetime of smiles and tears from worshiping our Lord? Would we rush out to erase them? What about the wrinkles in our lives? The scars born of a life of service and sacrifice unto Jesus? Would we seek to press, stretch or color over them? Should we consider the torn garment of our lives without Christ? When we are looking for an example of how we should "be" perhaps we now turn to Christ. When we are trying to compare ourselves to someone so we can own our worth, how about Jesus. Time to turn off the television and open the Bible. Jesus did not make a mistake when he made you. He made you with all the ability to develop into a life long follower of Him. He gave us purpose in and through Him. He gives meaning to all our insecurities and hangups. He leaves nothing to chance. He rewards us with joy and contentment with Him. I keep finding less and less that this world can do to distract me from my purpose. I think Jesus uses this process of our self-awareness to do a little nip and tuck of His own as He removes the obstacles of pride and ego from our pathways. Thanks God.

Have You Been To The Lost And Found?

2009-09-17T20:42:00.009-05:00

October 30, 2006 I made my public proclamation of my belief that Jesus is the Son of God, The Savior of my soul and My redeemer. I had ran from Jesus since I was a young man and I wrote this note to myself back in 2006 so I would never forget how Christ has restored, renewed and given my life purpose. I want to share this because I know there are others that have similar life experiences and someday, someway this message may make a difference in their lives.

Tonight I feel as though everything I have considered as loss is now gain. I have waited thirty-three years to be baptized. I wish it had not taken that long but it did. The Lord gave me the one thing that I would need when I was twelve years old. Jesus let me know the truth. I accepted the truth and promptly started piling all the junk in this life that I wanted right on top of the truth. I separated myself from Christ by living like this world. By the world's rules. The Lord waited patiently for years to see if I would willingly dig through the junk drawer of my life, cluttered with things of this world that covered the precious gift of my salvation. I didn't. I couldn't. I was not strong enough. So the Lord started flicking pieces of my life away, removing the worldly accumulations and relationships and abilities. After each major removal of a significant piece of my life it was like God would pause and ask; is that enough? Your life is in shambles. Do you see it yet? The gift I gave you long ago? Do you see it? The Lord removed everything in my life so that through this series of trials and losses He would give my an acute understanding that there is nothing before Jesus.

I had to loose everything and everyone just to pay attention to Him.

When I accepted Him, I gained everything. He has restored my life with His purpose for me.

I can now see where every single life experience up to this moment is of benefit in the execution of The Great Commission. The task at hand to take the Gospel, the guarantee of Christs' salvation thru the message of His willing sacrifice for all peoples, to all peoples. I have a purpose. We have a purpose. We have a testimony. We've been there and done that. We can identify with the lost. We can communicate effectively with the masses of people that still carry the suffocating burden of their own sin, not knowing how to reach for the outstretched hand of our Savior. He brought purpose to my pain and meaning to loss and suffering. He righted and erased my wrongs and made me whole. He promises an everlasting joy and comfort in His presence. Because of this gift that I was unable to earn and unworthy to receive, I do this; I love Him. I trust Him. I obey Him. I love others. In doing these things I am privileged to see all my past come now to count as joy. My future is secure. my path is set. Christ is worthy.

How Does What I Am Going Through Matter?

2009-09-13T07:11:00.004-05:00

I know some folks that seem to have gone through life unscathed. They have had and continue to maintain a relationship with Jesus. Their kids are Christ followers that would be the envy of any other family. They seem to have been all at the right place at the right time. When you talk to them their is no hint of trouble or reflection of battles from their pasts. They just seem as close to perfect as I have seen. At least from the outside.

Then there are the "others". There are the guys from the Mission. Folks that once lived on the streets. Broken folks like myself. We were the misfits, The left behinds. Drunks, drug addicts, helpless, hopeless, diseased and discarded. We were looked upon and thought of as the ones who were worth nothing. We sure didn't have any measuring stick that would sum us up. We basically believed we were what we felt. Bad.

We have two major groups and they seem to be polar opposites in the terms of our society and whether or not you'd open the door to the if they came a knockin. That where the rub comes in. Both groups Glorify Christ. There are the ones who heed the call of the Holy Ghost and submit to the shed blood of Christ at the moment the truth is evident. Then there are all the "others". We are the ones who for whatever the reason resist the call of Jesus on His initial invitation. We are heard headed and hard hearted. We are hurting, bitter and broken. We are sick and despondent and angry. Some are broken, ill and desperate. When I read my Bible I see this latter group have moment after moment with Jesus. i have few reading experiences in the Bible with characters who from first call follow The Christ. Samuel and David come to mind. But what about all the others that the new Testament is constructed around. There all broken, ill, lame, desperate and hopeless. These are the ones that Jesus longed for. The Bad. Jesus looked for and tarried for the Bad., I know Jesus looked for me and I was Bad. Thank God today that you matter. Thank God for the thief on the cross because he mattered to Him. Next time you see one of us on the street or under the bridge remember that Jesus came for them to. What you are going through today matters to God because how we deal with it Glorifies Him. That is what it is all about. Glorifying Him

All Locked Up

2009-08-29T09:07:00.008-05:00

I have a very good friend that is jammed up. His plight is constantly on my mine. His plight is my plight, it's all our plights. After establishing a relationship with Christ he took his eyes off the Cross for a moment and destruction set in. He forgot that the adversary is in lock-step with us as we go through this world. The only thing that protects us from the ravaging beast that stalks us, looking for opportunity to devour us is our relationship with Christ. My friend knew this and chose to wander off on his own. Now the repercussions of his choices have come to fruition. So, how does this Glorify God? I thought all things were for His Glory. How does the potential incarceration for this man's actions in the past glorify God?

This is the conversation that he and I had recently. After it was finished I realized the answer was still on my lips.

The backstory. My friend like myself had been a drug addict since our early teenage years. Unlike myself, his folks enabled his addiction for the following decade. He was never, ever held accountable for the associated breech in morals and values that are always present with addiction. He also never had severe legal punishment even though he was arrested and convicted for several drug related crimes. No jail time, no problem. Probation on top of probation. His addiction put him through multiple rehabs to no true benefit. Sober up, strengthen up and do it all over again. Until the day Jesus dialed in the "secret combination" that only He knows. I like to explain the way I see Christ positioning us at diff rent times throughout our lives as Him "dialing in our secret combination." I believe that Christ allows life to happen and in the course of the life we are given there are multiple moments when the confluence of event and time come together that position us to clearly be able to choose Christs' gift of redemption.The operative word here is choose. He never forces anything on us. You can't force anyone to love you and Jesus won't force you either. I believe also that as time goes on and we ignore or refuse to acknowledge this invitation from Christ that the circumstances and settings of these moments increase in their severity. What may begin as a gentle tug at our heart strings in childhood my end up a full blown life altering crisis in our adulthood. We as a people are hard-headed. We often need a kick in the head to get our attention. Back in May of 2006 my friend got kicked in the head by Jesus.

There are rehabs and there is Rehab. One is ran by businesses, the others business is helping people establish or re-establish a relationship with Jesus. That's where I met my friend. I had been saved from death by Christ and my friend showed up two weeks later. He like I was out of options, out of fight and out of time. It seemed to he and I that Christ had dialed the combination one last time. He had cried for mercy and had received Grace. For nine months he learned how to live with relationship with Christ. he learned that the secret to success is relationship, accountability, transparency, predictability and purpose. He learned that, if to be whole and healed was what he wanted then acknowledgement of Christs' sacrifice and desire to follow Him was the only way. He did well and after he left the Rehab he even looked good doing it. As in everything of this world, looks can be deceiving. Somewhere along the way my friend says he made just the slightest of "course correction."
A course correction is where you make the slightest adjustment in your direction and in doing so you end up way off course. My friend says that's what happened. He never specified if he first stopped praying or reading his Bible. He didn't go into detail as whether he started missing Church services or perhaps started a relationship that wasn't as wholesome as it should have been. Either way he ended up in a moment of crisis and in that very second he reached behind him for an old familiar solution instead of ahead of him for the Cross. He will tell you that he could have reached out to a pastor or a trusted friend at that moment and divulged the truth. The burden that he had strayed from his path of righteousness and was stumbling and falling. Instead he got high. He started retreating into that dark familiar isolation of guilt that's dressed up like relief. He walked and then ran away from God, the Church and his friends. The longer this went on the more helpless and powerless he felt. He will tell you he felt so ashamed and irredeemable. He was so wrong. That man was only one prayer, one statement of honest sorrow away from forgiveness from both Christ the Savior and Redeemer and all that know him and Him. Now here's the rub.

My friend did reach out. He cried out to Jesus to forgive him. Jesus did. He cried for his friends to forgive his behavior and for our prayers. We did. He re-established a relationship with Christ and the Church that he had ran from. He became accountable and predictable and transparent. He is dependable. He has given his heart to Christ and serves others today.

He goes on trial at the end of next month. he has been charged as a "habitual offender."
You see, during his run from Christ he made a stupid choice. He didn't hurt anyone but himself. He didn't steal or rob anyone. He just broke a rule that because of his past infractions he was not allowed to do. In just a moment of drug seeking indiscretion my friend made a really bad mistake that could cost him up to twelve years in prison for a "victimless crime." needless to say he is freaked totally out. Who wouldn't be. He you are, been through the school of hard knocks and stupid mistakes, only to have found the truth of the ages, Jesus. Then you take your eyes off the cross and you may end up in prison for a decade? I mean really? Is that fair? Can't you just play the system, hire a good attorney?
Make this charge just go away? That's the point. He has officially worked his way into a situation that he ain't running. Jesus has again dialed that combination in. This is no longer about attorneys and crime. It has little to do with judges and justice. This is utterly and completely designed to drive you to your knees and put you on your face in the presence of the Cross. This is when it ain't about you but becomes only about your source. This is the desperation that decrees Jesus. This is the world worst that drives us to Christs' best. This blog, this message is no longer about my friend. It is about all of us. It is about the broken marriage, the lost child, the addicted husband, sister or spouse. The cancer in your body or the end of your world as you've known it. This is about Jesus and our need to know Him. We can choose to recognise when the combination for us has been dialed. The invitation to know Him is presented in the moment of desperation. We can choose to have and maintain relationship with Him. We can anticipate and avoid the sorrows of my friend if we will only learn from him. When you recognise the moment is on you to choose to accept Christ (and you do, you always know when He is knocking on the door) do it. Take that step. In your guts you know it to be true. don't hesitate. If you've know that relationship and you've strayed no matter how far off course, stop now. Get on your knees and close the gap between you and Jesus with just one statement. God forgive me. Stop relying on yourself. Recognise that your situation just got unmanageable. You want a way out of your mess? Know this, Jesus is spinning the lock on your heart right now. What are you gonna do about it?

Today my friend has resigned himself to the fact that the only way to navigate what is to come is to be in relationship with Christ. He has resigned himself to letting Jesus deal with what is to come. This is faith. Please pray for and with my friend.

What's The Point?

2009-08-22T07:42:00.005-05:00

I have just finished leading the first ten-week class in Disipleship at The Union Rescue Mission's Men's Recovery Center. Actually, this past ten weeks have only been the past ten that I have lead the class. This class has been going on for a long, long time. Three years ago, when I was resident at the Mission, Pastor Maynard taught the class. Some how during this past three years I have been groomed to take Maynards place as he has moved on to teach an after graduation program here at the Mission. Knowing who I was and all that I had done, how could it be that I was blessed with the opportunity to lead this class? I mean really, what's the point? How could I even begin to be useful in this capacity?

I was initally overwhelmed and thoroughly intimidated when Maynard asked me to start teaching this class. We had been using the Max Lucado workbook, "Experincing The Heart Of Jesus." We would continue to use this text as an anchor in the class. This workbook is designed to further draw the student into understanding and relationship with Christ. I also felt that there was a need for another forum. One that addressed current needs and situations we find ourselves in after we leave the Mission. My inital thought was what would be the things I would impart to a loved one if all I had was ten hours left on earth. What would I deem the most important information for their ability to maintain a relationship with Christ and empower them to navigate and endure the forces that this world is gonna throw at them. I started brainstorming and came up with ten subject headings. they were broad and somewhat vague. in the back of my mind I still felt overwhelmed and was beginimg to become convinced that I was not the man for this job. I mean really, how could God possibly use me? What's the point?

I was working on the third floor of the Church one day and thinking about the "ten truths" that I was trying to develope for the upcoming class. I walked by an often ignored framed print on the wall. It was a print that we often refer to in conversation and use to justify our behaviors. The Ten Commandments. How fitting. Here am running around looking for ten truths and THE TEN TRUTHS are right there all the time. It was one of those ah ha moments. I read the Commandments and it all came together.

I. I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt have no other Gods before me.

Life Application- Relationship of Humble Service. Time to end your selfish, fronting hustle and start serving others.

II. Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.

Life Application- Get Over Yourself. You were your favorite graven image.

III. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.

Life Application-You Must Have Daily Maintanence With God. Relationship, Relationship, Relationship.

IV. Remember the Sabbath Day and keep it holy

Life Application-Obedience To Authority-Live By Example

V. Honor thy father andthy mother

Life Application-Justice, accepting the rules and justice of God and the authorites over you.

VI. Thou shalt not kill.

Life Application-Grace, give it before you get it from others. Grace under condemnation

VII. Thou shalt not commit adultery

Life Application-Temptation, how to deal with it, it's coming.

VIII. Thou shalt not steal

Life application-Transparent living- open book attitude. Keys to accountability.

IX. Thou shalt not bare false witness against thy neighbor.

Life Application-Faithful in the moment. moment to moment

X. Thou shalt not covet. Period.

Life Application-Satisfaction and Contentment. How to recognize it and how to keep it.

These are the things that I was given. These are the lessons that are being developed for use at the Mission. So, what's the point?

The point is that God uses who He wants how and when He wants. We who have relationship with Jesus are at His service. We place ourselves into the service position when we submit ourselves to Him. We are invited to surrender ourselves unto Jesus. We really don't understand how badly we need Christ until Christ is all that we have. When we do so we then can be actively use by Him for His purpose and His glorification. The point of being called by and in service of Christ is that we glorify him. I guarentee you that there are folks out there that know how I used to be. The broken, lost, hopeless, violent, addicted sinner. They would not recognize me or my heart today. My wife would be one of the first to stand and tell you the radical transformation that my relationship with Christ has had in my life. He uses me. I am malleable to His touch. He is The Potter............

What We Are Made Of

2009-08-15T21:56:00.006-05:00

The kids are back. Its is so good to have them back. In my earlier posts I commented on learning from them. I also commented on myself. If you don't know me, I used to be alot of things. I am an average guy from an average childhood from above average parents. My folks taught me everything I needed to know to be successful in life. The problem was I did not apply it in a fashion that led to success. I did most of life the hard way. My way. I like to tell folks that sure, I knew Jesus. I knew Him well enough to run from the responsiblity of the way we are to be. I knew the right way but the farther that life took me away from the right way the more impossible it seemed to just get back to the starting line. You know, that place where you even feel like you can ask God to help you. I have learned that we cannot clean ourselves up, work our way back and sober up so we can be presentable to God. When it sucks the worst is when we need Him the most. The most frightening thing I have discovered about my life is that the "sucking" part was disguised as a normal way of being. my life was broken from the start and I didn't even know it.

I gained an immeasurable amount of wisdom because Christ let me survive in brokeness long enough to find Him. Brokeness relieved by relationship with Christ is loss turned into wisdom. When we survive life long enough to develope a relationship with the Creator of the Universe we have some seriously valuable information that is designed to be shared with others. It is not for us to hide our life experiences but to share them with others in the glorious hope of introducing others to Christ. I have some things to share with you.

Yesterday my 11 year old boy told me he wanted the Amazing Grace DVD by Louis Giglio. I told him that I'd never heard of it until last Wednesday when I was leaving The Union Resuce Mission where I teach the Men's Recovery Center's Discipleship Class. We spend ten Wednesdays in the last three months of their nine month drug rehab studying Max Kucado's workbook, Discovering The Heart Of Jesus. I Also have developed ten life applications that are patterned off the Ten Commandments designed to better prepare these men to re-enter society and maintain their relationship with Jesus and not fall prey to relapse. As we were leaving our last class on 'Wednesday, several men came in and said they were going to watch the Amazing Grace video. When my son mentioned it to me yesterday I knews there was no coincidence, we went and purchased it together. Last night, he, his Mom and I watched it togather. To sum it up, it was great. We were all crying because of the Magesty of God and the way the Holy Ghost moved in us as we heard the Truth.

I found it even more touching because the lesson we had at the Mission this past Wedneday mirrored the Amazing Grace video. The kind of thing that gives you the chill bumps. I was the lost man once. I was the wore out, broken, hopeless drug addict that found refuge and healing at the Mission. I was Godless and desperate and Jesus was waiting for me there. Now I am honored to help these men find the purpose and joy available through relationship with Christ that the Mission provided for me.

We had covered the Tenth Commandment last Wednesday, "Thou Shalt not Covet." The life application was "Living with satisfaction and contentment." We discussed at length the nature of covetousness and how to recognise the relationship you have had with Jesus for almost nine months now.
We often forget that our relationship is a confidence builder. We forget that all conversations directed to Jesus, to others about Jesus, our private thoughts and contemplations regarding Jesus are all prayer. These are the elements of relationship with God. These are the acts that define Paul's statement to "pray without ceasing."
These are some elements of the conversation I had with the men this past Wednesday. Then we got to the place in conversation where the Holy Spirit takes over the direction of conversation and it became evident that these guys didn't understand that the "thing" in Jesus Christ was the same exact "thing" that is in them and me and you, in all of us that know Jesus as our Savior. The God of Creation put Himself in Jesus. The essence of God is in the identity of the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit was and is in Jesus and is in us today. We are tied and linked to Jesus by the very DNA of God Himself. That is why the Bible says we are heirs, even joint heirs with Christ. The Bible calls us Royalty. We are thusly called because we have been grafted into Gods family. We are called His children. We are bought and paid for by the blood sacrifice of Christ. Wholly owned and tenderly kept by this same universe building star breather that Luis Giglio describes in his DVD. If you are feeling low useless take heart. If you are broken and lost realize now that you are one change of heart, one sentence of desperation, one exclamation of surrender from falling into the open arms of the Christ that hung the heavens with His voice and gave His life for you. You are one moment from the need that screams at your insides in the darkest and most quiet of moments. In your DNA is the truth. The knowledge of this truth is caked and coated with the scabs and refuse of this world. The lost, broken, desperate life that you live is what melts this barrier from your Truth. When you feel that "thing" in your guts screaming at you for help. Thats the moment to cry out to Jesus. He will be there. You already know what this means cause most likely you've done it a time or two. If you want help in figuring out how to navigate this experience, please post a responce to this blog. I live to help you. Jesus did this for me. He wants to do it for you too. Thank you and God bless you.

The KidsAre Home

2009-08-13T06:56:00.005-05:00

the kids came home yesterday from their Dad's out in Utah. This was their first solo flight and had originated in Las Vegas. They came into Little Rock at 3:30 pm and was jubilent when we saw them. We brought Mattie's best freind Savannagh with us. It was so good to have them home. It was even better to see their mothers face light up and her shoulders raise as the burden of their being gone was relieved.

Perhaps the coolest moment was when Mattie and Will, both, let us know they wanted to go directly to Church. Wednesday, first day back from traveling the U.S. and they want to go to Church. I am in awe of these kid's. In relationship with them it seems I learn the most important lessons.

My First Time As A Blogger

2009-08-10T20:54:00.000-05:00

There is a saying where I have been, "If you want something you've never had, you gotta do something you've never done." I plan to blog about how I have ended up where I am and with blessed hope, to help others with my stories and observations. It has been a most remarkable journey that has roots in rural Arkansas, traveling the world, thinking I had a normal life until things went wrong. Broken neck, paralysis, electric wheelchairs, Hepatitis C,Liver Cancer,death of children, destroyed marriages. Lifelong drug addiction, further addiction to prescription pain medications, maintaining and hiding addiction, suffering and being healed from depression and hopelessness, paralysis, cancer and addiction. I have lost everything as defined by this world and gained everything that is so contrary to this worlds definitions. I found after decades of this destructive lifestyle and finally loosing everything and everyone that I had ever known, that the most important life lesson I have ever learned became so evident and applicable to me. YOU NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH YOU NEED CHRIST UNTIL CHRIST IS ALL THAT YOU HAVE. When people tell one of those heart wrenching stories of utter brokenness culminating in hope and rescue by Christ, that is my story. All those Bible stories of the worst of the worst whose very essence is transformed because of the power of the presence of Jesus in their lives, that is my story. This is not embellished, contrived or uncommon. It is just the standard operating practice of the Architect of the Universe whose supernatural interventions are spreading through the world today. This is just one story of His love and nature. This is what He does. It is what He can and will do for you, too.