Selfish or Servant

I was on the way to pick my son up from school a few days ago. It was a Wednesday. I knew that after picking him up I would go to  pick up his sister from another school. She is a year ahead of him. I also knew I was frustrated. I had not been to Wednesday night church in a long time. We only have one vehicle and on Wednesday night it is my responsibility to take the kids to the church here in town . On Wednesday nights this local church had a 200-300 student service. All the kids know one another and to watch them worship and sing and raise their hands in praise to the Lord is beyond awesome. There is no Wednesday night service for adults at the local church. Students only. I go to church in North Little Rock. The First Assembly Of God North Little Rock. It is a forty minute drive from here in Conway. I've been going there since Christ saved my life almost seven years ago. There was a time when I was there every day the doors were open. I love being in church. I love to feel the closeness to God. I greedily want to learn His Word. Absorb the teaching. If you've read my other blog posts you know I'm an addict. Worse kind bar none. When Christ rescued me I became addicted to Him. I cannot get enough.

That Wednesday night by best friend was preaching at my church in North little Rock. I was so self possessed that I actually felt resentment that I have to take the kids to church, come home, wait then go get them and deliver the extra kids that always come with ours and then deliver the extras and  get home around 9pm.

That night after bringing the kids home, ready for bed I lay down and just let myself feel everything that was in turmoil within me. As I lay there I felt so horrible. How could I feel so selfish as to feel left out. I actually felt left out of going to church because I was taking my kids and other kids to church. i was so angry at my selfish self. I prayed and asked God to forgive me for feeling my church experience was more vital to me that ensuring that my kids and the others that so look forward to going to church every Wednesday.

Crying and humiliated, ashamed of my selfishness I looked to the Bible for comfort and this is what I found.  Proverbs 11:30 The fruit of the righteous is the tree of life, and he who wins souls is wise.

II Corinthians 4:15 For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as servants for Jesus' sake.

II Corinthians 4:15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Galatians 5:13 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.

I pray that God will allow me to continue to serve these children and that , unlike me, their hearts are never for a moment infested with the sin of self service, arrogance and envy. Let me only be His servant by serving others in all ways that I am capable.

The Pain Of The Cross

But He was pierced for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by His wounds we are healed. Isaiah 53:5.

The terms of the Cross that Christ bore. The Roman guards did not have to hog tie Christ to take Him to the Cross at Calvary. He walked, He bore His Cross upon His back and with His mangled, broken body He stumbled and drug that Cross through the streets of Jerusalem to a place outside the city of David. Up a hill called Golgotha, the tail of the Cross dragging in the dirt behind Him marking a line in the earth forever separating damnation from Salvation.

When the soldiers laid the Cross upon the ground to fix the man of Nazareth upon it they did not lay a hand upon Him. He lay himself on that rugged Cross and outstretched His hands allowing them to do their work.binding and nailing His flesh to the wood of the Cross. no one had ever been crucified willingly to atone for their transgressions, their crimes. Christ did willingly because He was a man of no crime and of no personal transgressions. He did so willingly because He was their that day, that moment in eternal history to pay the price for our sins, past, present and future. He had come to shed His blood to atone for us. It was the only way. God made that clear to Him in the Garden of Gethsemane when Christ asked His father in prayer, "Father, if there is any other way, take this cup from me". But there was no other way. The is no other way to accept that our sin debt has been cancelled by the shed blood of Christ than to be at the foot of the Cross letting His blood, His grace and mercy wash over us.

The Bible says on Luke 9:23 ²³ Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.That is why I go to the Cross daily. My pain drives me there because of the desperation and brokenness that wait for me away from the Cross cannot sooth my afflictions. I cannot be a Disciple of Christ anywhere except with the Cross. I cannot find comfort to endure another day except with the Cross. I can do nothing that Christ commands of me except with the Cross. The Cross is my comforter when I am in pain. The Cross is my shield when under attack. The Cross is my hope when I am weak. I pray that I am never not in need of the Cross.

The Cross is also the way to transcend from Discipleship to Disciple. The Apostles became Disciples of Christ because of the event of the Cross on Calvary. Before then they were students of The Christ. Never fully understanding the power and responsibility that the Cross would represent in their lives and in the life of everyone that has ever lived. On Calvary that day when Christ said "It is finished". He meant He had completed His Father's will. He had paid the price for all our Salvation. He had paid the debt of sin for all time and in the process He had made His apostles who had been in discipleship into disciples. The way for us today that choose to carry the Cross daily is the transition from discipleship to Disciple.

Discipleship To Disciple

In Maynards Sunday School class today Tim taught on the definition as well as the necessities needed to be in a state of discipleship. It was a very informative and for me, thought provoking lesson. At one point during class I raised my hand mainly because when I feel the Holy Ghost move in me, I cannot refuse Him. The point I was attempting to make was that (given our class is made of up mostly current or formerly broken and struggling people- me included) I felt compelled to say what was given to me to say. I just don't think I did a very good job of it. I haven't had a moments peace since. I still have the need to explain through the Spirit what my point was.

My objective was to include all the peoples in the class that have a backgroundd of addiction, infidelity, abuse, self harm, brokenness, hopelessness and especially the ones who are beginning their journey with Christ and are beginning in the discipleship journey with Christ. i wanted them to not forget their pasts. Never to forget where and what they come from and who it was that delivered them from that.

I believe that discipleship is the prelude to becoming a disciple. the apostles that followed Christ for three and a half years were in discipleship. Yes they had accepted as their Lord and Savior. Jesus even asked them"who do you think that I am"? Peter answered without hesitation"You are the Christ" Yet within a short time this same man in discipleship would deny he even knew Christ. The point being that  Christ's hand picked apostles that He took under tutelage never strayed far from bone headed behaviors. One day they were even fighting about who would be the greatest in heaven. I mean seriously, these guys were following the Christ. the raiser of the dead and healer of the crippled. the straightener of limbs the restorer of sight, the water to wine Christ and they reverted to being stupid in His presence. I say all this to help you put into perspective your prior lives. What I refer to as BC(Before Christ as the center of my life). It wasn't until Christ had died on the Cross for all sin, past, present and future and arose three days later and became transfigured that the ones in discipleship under Him became His Disciples.Even then one still had to look upon His nail scared hands and touch the wound in His side to graduate to Disciple.

So when does discipleship begin? No one is born saved.  Its often a prolonged period of time between you know who Christ is and 30 years later when you fully turn your life over to Him and begin Discipleship. So the question that was burning on my heart is what are we to instruct, lead and teach new discipleshippers to do with the years of "the sins of their choice", when now we are preparing them to become equipped to go forth and connect with others and share the good news of who and how their lives were changed, restored, healed and given an earthly purpose to serve others. Serve without expectations of any earthly dividends.

Obviously there has to be a familiarity between the disciple and the one in need. that's where my BC comes in. That's where all our BC's come in. That's what I was trying in such a pitiful way to express in class today. We all have a BC if we are Christ followers, in discipleship or have graduated to disciple. But the most valued tool to crack the ice with a hurting, helpless, hoplessly broken person is to establish familiarity . You can feel their pain and suffering. you can feel the hopelessness and despair of the addict. you can comprehend the rage of a young mother abandoned by their babies daddy. You can comfort those who weep because they feel they have done to many horrible acts nad all that is left is to take their own lives, That's why you all have BC's so that you can look them in the eye and say "I Know" "i have been their" I can share with you the only way that you can end your burden, addiction, rage, unforgiveness, the wrongs done to you, your despair, hopelessness and isolation". then you have fulfilled the words in the Bible, to paraphrase; God takes broken things and makes them for the good.

I had written a different version in my journal tonight but i couldn't sleep and the longer i laid there the more and more this was on my heart and mind. God uses all of us. All that we were, are and shall be to His glory. sometimes we seem to overlook the obvious or at least I do. Tell me what you think about all this. Love you Bye