Selfish or Servant

I was on the way to pick my son up from school a few days ago. It was a Wednesday. I knew that after picking him up I would go to  pick up his sister from another school. She is a year ahead of him. I also knew I was frustrated. I had not been to Wednesday night church in a long time. We only have one vehicle and on Wednesday night it is my responsibility to take the kids to the church here in town . On Wednesday nights this local church had a 200-300 student service. All the kids know one another and to watch them worship and sing and raise their hands in praise to the Lord is beyond awesome. There is no Wednesday night service for adults at the local church. Students only. I go to church in North Little Rock. The First Assembly Of God North Little Rock. It is a forty minute drive from here in Conway. I've been going there since Christ saved my life almost seven years ago. There was a time when I was there every day the doors were open. I love being in church. I love to feel the closeness to God. I greedily want to learn His Word. Absorb the teaching. If you've read my other blog posts you know I'm an addict. Worse kind bar none. When Christ rescued me I became addicted to Him. I cannot get enough.

That Wednesday night by best friend was preaching at my church in North little Rock. I was so self possessed that I actually felt resentment that I have to take the kids to church, come home, wait then go get them and deliver the extra kids that always come with ours and then deliver the extras and  get home around 9pm.

That night after bringing the kids home, ready for bed I lay down and just let myself feel everything that was in turmoil within me. As I lay there I felt so horrible. How could I feel so selfish as to feel left out. I actually felt left out of going to church because I was taking my kids and other kids to church. i was so angry at my selfish self. I prayed and asked God to forgive me for feeling my church experience was more vital to me that ensuring that my kids and the others that so look forward to going to church every Wednesday.

Crying and humiliated, ashamed of my selfishness I looked to the Bible for comfort and this is what I found.  Proverbs 11:30 The fruit of the righteous is the tree of life, and he who wins souls is wise.

II Corinthians 4:15 For we do not preach ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, and ourselves as servants for Jesus' sake.

II Corinthians 4:15 All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God.

Galatians 5:13 You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love.

I pray that God will allow me to continue to serve these children and that , unlike me, their hearts are never for a moment infested with the sin of self service, arrogance and envy. Let me only be His servant by serving others in all ways that I am capable.